Hipster? Or Just Awesome?

I was watching an episode of The Simpsons with the fam the other night. Now, as a rule, I don't watch that show. I claim not to like it, but I do permit myself a chuckle or two when Jesse makes me watch it. A recent episode elicited roaring laughter, however, when the Simpsons tackled that enigmatic creature known as "The Hipster."

The following is written with all possible irony and humor.

It is safe to say that I have gleaned all of my understanding of The Hipster from television shows. And my 19 year-old cousin who seems to despise The Hipster in all its forms. This limited information has lead me to conclude that I am a hipster. Let's examine the facts, as I understand them:

1) Hipsters crochet and knit and generally create hip crafty things for themselves. CHECK. It is entirely possible that everyone in my family will receive a handmade gift, if I can manage it. Regard my Pinterest crocheting board.

2) Hipsters wear cool eyeglasses. CHECK. I have cool, retro, bright red specs. They are awesome.

3) Hipsters listen to vinyl. CHECK. Of course, I was buying vinyl when it was affordable and commonplace. I started my collection long before it was cool to pay $21 for the new Gotye album.

I hasten to admit that I did, in fact, pay too much for that Gotye album. And it was worth it. And I have not one, but two turntables. To my credit, my vinyl collection is far larger than any you will find in a moody, scarf-wearing, college student's dorm room.

4) Hipsters like cool mid-century retro decor. CHECK. I mean, have you seen my house? It is a work in progress, but rest assured it is clever, quirky, and eclectic in a hip way.

5) Hipsters shop at Urban Outfitters. CHECK. It is my current favorite store. Many tchotchkes are purchased from UO at each visit.

6) Hipsters wear their hair in bangs, like Zooey Deschanel. CHECK. I never expose my forehead for the world to see.

7) Hipsters love film photography. CHECK. I liked it when it was the only option, and I still use it now. I have a shelf in my fridge for film, and I am planning to document this Christmas on expired Polaroid film. Yes. I am THAT cool.

8) Hipsters wear Skeletoes shoes. CHECK. You know those awesome sneaks with cozy little spaces for each toe? Well, I have a pair for biking, and I love them. According to The Simpsons, Hipsters wear these.

9) Hipsters like to ride their bikes. CHECK. I have a nifty Schwinn hybrid that I am slowly transforming into an old school-style cruiser bike, complete with bicycle basket repurposed from a storage basket I found at Home Goods.

10) Hipsters blog about their lives. Well, obviously, CHECK.

CONCLUSION: I am a hipster, although clearly I am not. I couldn't lie convincingly enough about my age to be a hipster. But I like all the things that are awesome. The difference, of course, is that I like these things genuinely, not ironically. I am mature, evolved, and clearly awesome. I was a hipster before The Hipster.